Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao

Author:Ann Zhao
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

CHAPTER 32

Joe with an E

JO

“Jo? Jo. Joanna? Joanna Middle Name Ephron!”

“It’s Olivia,” I say, not looking up from my phone, where I’m busy making Wanda posts. When Wendy answered a very oddly specific question about snoring a couple of days ago, I realized that I have a lot of oddly specific questions that I have yet to answer, and I need to catch up.

“What?” Lianne says.

“My middle name.”

“Oh,” Lianne says. “Jo, can you please pay an ounce of attention to me?”

I finally look up. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Lianne is standing in front of me, holding up her phone, open to its lock screen. She points to the time: 8:26 P.M.

“You’ve been on your phone for two hours,” Lianne says. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“I am doing work,” I say. “It’s just Wanda work.”

“I mean real work,” Lianne says, not looking impressed.

I know what she means. And, yeah, maybe I do have a reading to do for WGST 110, and an essay to write for my sociology class, and coding to do for my CS class, and some vocab to study for Spanish, but right now, I do not want to do any of those things.

“Since when are you trying to make sure I get all my work done?” I ask. “Isn’t that usually Katy’s job?”

I don’t usually rely on my roommates to keep me from procrastinating, but sometimes, Katy does take it upon herself to do just that. Her interventions are rude but necessary.

Lianne sighs. “Okay, fine, Katy texted me to make sure you were being productive.”

“And you didn’t want to disappoint her?” I say. “How very interesting.”

She shakes her head. “Jo, you really do love jumping to conclusions, don’t you?”

“It’s my favorite pastime.”

She sighs. “Take a break from the Wanda stuff. You can make fun of Wendy later.”

I pretend to be offended. “Excuse me. I wasn’t making fun of Wendy at all. I was writing up my own posts.”

I’m not lying. I haven’t been posting often enough for the quantity of messages I’m now getting. I have tons of unread DMs and submissions in my anonymous form that I have yet to post about. And okay, maybe I did get a little carried away with how much detail I’m putting in some of these responses, but it’s all for the overall effect.

“Even so,” Lianne says, “you do have to admit that you’ve gotten a little consumed by this account.”

“That is not true,” I say. “I am consumed by many other things. Like classes—”

“You know that’s a lie.”

“—and the Dianas—”

“You’ve literally had one meeting.”

“—and watching reality television—”

“Jesus Christ, Jo.”

“—and I’m just saying, you waste just as much time on dating apps as I do on my Wanda account.”

“That’s just plainly untrue. I haven’t even touched Bumble or Hinge since that disastrous attempt with Alicia.”

Okay. I think she wins. “Fine, I’ll do homework now.”

“Good.”

“After I finish this post.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

But Lianne is not Katy, so she lets me do it anyway, and it’s only after I save the file that she says, “Wait, your initials spell JOE with an E?”

Oh.

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